It's hard sometimes to see the blessings behind the trials and tribulations of life. For instance, I have been sick for over a week and it's been an effort to do the minimum of what I need to do. Yet, if I pause long enough to reflect on something other than how I feel, I realize that there's still so much there to be grateful for.
I still feel like "my cup runneth over" with some serious stuff I don't want. And I definitely question the saying that God only gives us what we can handle. But my reality is that as I massage B's leg each day and work out the scars that have formed over her injury, I get a birds eye view of her healing process. And I am constantly in awe of the mixture of ingredients that go into that healing process.
Taking note of it reminds me of how different things looked nearly 3 months ago. I have the pictures and memories to go by, but each day that we get from the day of B's accident and subsequent days of pain, trauma, surgeries becomes a day that I can be more readily aware of just how blessed we are.
My daughter will be here to celebrate Thanksgiving with me this year. I will see her beautiful smiling face at my dinner table. It doesn't get better than that.
..........The journey that is. Why is it that a vacation flies and other portions of life do not? I guess it's the watched pot effect..... watch it and it takes forever to boil, but walk away and do something else and it's boiling before you know it.
It seems "our" journey for B's recovery has been tremendously long. I thought it again today as I unloaded her wheelchair, accessories, and bag after bag of school things from my car for what seems like the millionth time. My back does a bit of complaining from time to time and I watch the weather in dread for the day when snow makes everything more difficult.
No complaining here, mind you. It is what it is after all. We can't change what can't be changed. So we do the best we can with what we have to work with. Progress is being made each day, albeit slowly. She can wiggle toes, and flex her ankle. These are far from being small victories. Indeed, they are huge.
And so, I choose to divide the long road into do-able chunks that I can manage. We have a routine and we are actually getting quite good at it. The shower no longer takes 2 hours to complete start to finish and other "operations" are much smoother as well.
So again, no complaints. Just a pondering of why a watched pot never boils. Or so it seems.
In two days it will be 2 months since B's accident. We saw her surgeon today and she had x-rays of her leg. She insisted her crutches had to come along (even though she was in a wheelchair) for that point in the conversation where the Dr. said she could walk. Her plan was to leave the hospital on her own two feet.
It came as no surprise to me when the Dr. said that her x-rays and her leg itself looked good, but that he wasn't going to allow her to try to walk for another 6 weeks.
The Dr. continued on with the potential for so many more problems in the near, and distant, future. But she no longer heard him at that point. He said all she didn't want to hear already.
Although she tried to stop it, the tears came once more beginning with the slight quiver of the lip. I needed only to touch her leg softly and they began to fall.
No minor disappointment to a college student working hard to finish up her Master's year in the health care field. With intensive clinical work impending, and now postponed, her graduation this year also hangs in the balance.
As we leave the office, I tell her, "you're still going to get there....just by a slightly different route."
Strength in adversity.
Difficult situations and decisions are, in large part, what makes us who we are.
B: You'll get where you're going. I can't tell you how I know. I just do.
Tomorrow B goes for her six week post-surgical check up. She will have x-rays and the surgeon will assess her leg. This morning, I encouraged her to try small ankle rotations. She did and the look on her face when she succeeded was priceless.
Her excitement is contagious to some degree. She has the heart of a young person where goodness abounds and tomorrow will bring nothing but the news she wants to hear.
I, however, am optimistically reserved. I have wished so many times that I had x-ray vision and could see through the now-healing skin and see what the bones of her leg are doing to KNOW what's taking place beyond the surface.
I have also been preaching patience to B through the past couple months and have needed to remind myself of the word from time to time as well. Patience is what I need tonight........patience and a few deep breaths to hold me until we see the doctor tomorrow and get the results.